In a galaxy far, far away, Captain Barbers speaks before the largest delegation of leaders in Planet Kewljeje, some 999 trillion light years from Earth. He had traveled through ten black holes and reports about strange sightings of Earth-like bears who, he says, could be intelligent life forms plotting to sabotage the otherwise invincible circuitries of Poll2010jeje, a device that ensures the universal and synchronized succession of leaders in majority of the planets under the UNjeje Treaty. The machines, created by an outsourced pool of turbaned geniuses from the southern cluster of the Alpha Centauri, had exponentially complex encryptions that made them function like human physiology with all its chemical configurations.
“Mr. Speaker, sir,” Capt. Barbers, an erstwhile cloud-dweller in Nebula XXX, begs for an audience. “I can beam this body a hologram image of these strange creatures. And I shall prove to you that there, indeed, is a glitch of damaging proportions in the integrity of our Poll2010jeje!”
At this time, shouting bursts forth across the hall.
“Shut your beaks, everyone!” The Speaker, a tusked old man from Deneb of Cygnus, calls out. “This matter is of utmost importance for the survival and peace of all planets under the UNjeje Treaty. It is then our biggest responsibility to cast light in every dubious corner of the Poll2010jeje process.”
Capt. Barbers doesn’t delay in beaming his shots of the strange creatures who he said have a comprehensive knowledge in the rigging of the universe’s electoral process. A sea of varied reactions rises in Housejeje Hall.
Congressman Loxy calls out to the Speaker, “Mr. Speaker, sir! That is a joke! That is a Koalajeje bear!” As it is beyond the heads of most people in the hall, Congressman Loxy explains the nature of Koalajeje Bears.
Koalajeje bears, he says, are shameless snub-nosed marsupials that thrive in the gaseous strips of many planets in the galaxy. These are galactic on-call bystanders who are usually hired as special operatives by disgruntled leaders out to spin planets off their usual axis.
Koalajejes, Cong. Loxy says, are dyslexic by nature and are poor in spelling. “As evidenced, distinguished citizens of the UNjeje Treaty, this Koalajeje beamed before you by Capt. Barbers is a phoney! He can’t spell the system correctly. It does not have a terminal ‘jeje,’ and is therefore a joke of nebular proportions! This nova is a super-dud!”
Noise erupts across the hall. A one-eyed elephant falls off the balcony. The marshals later report he was a politician from Pluto who spent his life’s fortune to buy votes. He lost.
“But it’s a reputable bear!” says Capt. Barbers, and went on to describe that in gaseous territories, cuteness is proportional to truth and honor.
“But a Koalajeje is not a bear!” replies Cong. Loxy, this time he has turned red and his vertebra is expanding portentously into spikes.
“It’s more than you can bear, congressman? Is that what you’re saying?” Capt. Barbers says.
“You’re a son of a Vitch!” Cong. Loxy yells at the captain. “Vitch” is a derogatory term pervasive in not a few planets, but of unknown origin. Professors from Hubble University say it could come from the word “Visigoths,” and it could be what came into Cong. Loxy’s mind as he looked at the hooded Koalajeje.
And so it was learned later that Capt. Barbers was in cahoots with the Koalajejes. He lobbied for anarchy, says Cong. Loxy of him later. He played a part in the grand and protracted plan to keep the old rule of corrupt leaders in the universe.
There is no assurance that the planets of UNjeje will live happily ever after. But at least they have rid themselves of the diabolical plot of the snucky Koalajejes and Vitches. They have also learned a lesson that Koalajejes, after all, are merely bear impostors.
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